Finally Christmas to the Blog World!

Just a Hint...

If you are like us, the Christmas tree is decorated. Stockings are hung by the fireplace. Holiday decorations deck the halls and nativity scenes are in many rooms of the house. This time of year makes you feel like a little kid again. You just want to go over to the tree and grab a present with your name on it and give it a shake. Now, I am the queen of peeking. I love to snoop. No MOM... I haven't attempted to look at Kenzie's present. No, I'm not lying. No, no dimples showing...see the truth is being told!

Anyways, I thought what better way to kick off the Christmas weekend with a tiny intsy-bitsy peek at the present I have for all of you. Just one little look! And if you are good, maybe Santa will have a surprise for you Christmas morning!

The Shepherds

We started decorating for Christmas last Monday. Monkey May had a great birthday. I still can’t believe she is two. Wait, let me rephrase that…I can’t believe Jake and I survived two years as parents! She has definitely presented us with some challenges and has been a little stubborn troublemaker on a very frequent basis. In all reality, she has been such a blessing and is such an amazing little person. We are so proud of everything she has taught us in the last two years and are so blessed to have such a sparkling happy little girl in our lives each and every day.

One of our first projects was hanging stickers on the windows. My mom gave us the pictures that she had when we were kids. Kenzie had a blast decorating the doors. She was so amazed but the scene we created. We had a wonderful talk about each and every item that we hung up to make our doors very Christmas-y. She counted the number of chickens and sheep, told me the sounds all the animals made, and helped get the snowflakes to stick.

I had the best conversation with Monkey May the next morning. I’ll share with you just how it went:

Momma: “Hey Kenz, who is that?”

Monkey May: “That’s Baby Jesus’ daddy”

Momma: “That’s right Kenz…that’s Joseph”

Monkey May: “Yep, that’s Joseph”

Momma: “Who’s that Kenz?”

Monkey May: “That’s Baby Jesus’ momma”

Momma:” Good job kiddo…that’s Mary”

Monkey May: “Yep, That’s Mary”

Momma: “One more …who’s that?”

She stared at the next two people for a moment and thought really hard “That’s the sheep’s daddy!”

Momma: ‘That’s right! Those are the shepherds”

Monkey May: “Yep the sheep’s daddy”

Momma: “The Shepherds take care of the sheep. And the Shepherds went to see Baby Jesus when he was born."

Monkey May: "The sheep see Baby Jesus."

Then she did the cutest thing. She took off one of the sheep from it's place on the window and stood on her tippy-toes and tried to stick him by Baby Jesus. In that moment, my heart was so overjoyed. Here Monkey May just turned two and we have just started talking about the Christmas story and she gets it. She gets that there is something special about Baby Jesus. She understands that everyone and especially the sheep wanted to go and see Baby Jesus in the manger. You know we talk all the time about how special the Wise men and the Shepherds must have been felt coming to Bethlehem to visit Baby Jesus, but what about the sheep and horses and donkeys and cattle and chickens? Now that I think about it, I'm sure they knew they were experiencing something special. I never really gave it much thought and I'm so thankful that my little girl made me stop and take a moment to give praise for

I am so excited for Monkey May to show such excitement about the true reason for the Christmas season. I am really looking forward Christmas to get here. I am excited for Christmas Eve service. I love celebrating Christmas at midnight with our Church Family. There is such a special feeling in the air, such a magical closeness with that first Christmas. I am really looking forward to Kenzie opening a special present on Christmas morning. I am looking forward to our family reading the first Christmas story in Kenzie's Bible. I hope everyone else is starting to feel the specialness of Christmas in their hearts. I hope God blesses each and every one of your families this Christmas season.

All I Want For Christmas

It's that time of the year. The air is crisp. Or just downright frigid if you are crazy enough to live where the wind constantly howls and whips over the mountains and heads towards the plains. Kenzie's not to keen on the wind. Although, I don't really blame her one bit. On those super cold days, I tell her to send out kisses to Namas and Poppas far away. She takes a deep breath, blows a kiss and shouts out an "I Love You" for the wind to carry east. Maybe that's the reason why the wind is so crazy up here...the love has a long ways to travel to reach those that we love!

Advent season has started. Christmas songs are starting to blare from radio speakers. Lights and decorations are going up all around us. Well, except for our house. We've come up with a way to make Kenzie's birthday extra special, Christmas extra special, and to enjoy the holidays all the way to the end of January. The Christmas season doesn't actually begin in our house until after Kenzie's birthday. The day after her birthday party, the Christmas tree will come into the house after living in the shop for part of a week. The boxes of decorations that my strong hubby has brought down from the attic are waiting to be unpacked. It will be so exciting this year. Kenzie loves all the lights and sparkles and twinkles. Santa's little helper is ready to go and it is going to be a blast.

Kids are getting excited for Santa's big night. Christmas lists are being made for loved ones. I am about 2/3 of the way through not only my shopping, but everything that is in our house is already wrapped and labeled for our holiday celebrations. I am such an internet shopper! Living where we do and with our crazy schedules, shopping online is so much easier and less stressful. Hopefully, (fingers crossed) the gifts that are on back order will be shipped and on there way here very soon! With all of the preparations, everyone is starting to ask the same question: What do you want for Christmas?

The more I think about this question, the more I come up with two things for Santa to bring me this year. I want to be able to stop time! It's not like I want to turn fifteen minutes into three weeks or anything...just, maybe give me an extra hour or two in the evenings. I just never seem to have time to get anything done! Exhibit A~ the last time I even looked at my blog was over two months ago! Today was a great example. We went outside this morning and got some maintenance stuff done: Jake worked on the tractor cleaning the horse lot while I cleaned the rabbit hutch, pigeon and chicken coops and the dog kennels. Then we went down to Jake's grandparents so we could cut our yearly supply of wood for the winter. With two running chainsaws, we got the back of the truck filled up in no time at all! After we arrived back home, we unloaded and stacked the wood in the dark, put out a round bale for the horses in the dark, did chores in the dark, and worked on the Suzuki in the dark. We did accomplish a lot today but it really was only half of my list of what I wanted to get done today. I could have used at least three more hours today! It was nice out and there was no wind...I could have worked out there forever.

My second Santa wish list item: Finding my way to be Super Mom! This week is going to be insane! We have a million things that need done before family comes to visit, Kenzie's birthday party, plus we have a Christmas party to go to, doctor's appointments this week, Christmas family pictures that need to be taken at some point plus all the daily work schedules, Kenzie playtime, Ruger and Zip loves, and whatever else decides to present itself this week. I know what my mom is going to say the second she reads this: "Just do what you have to ... nothing else... the rest can wait... take some time to relax and we will see you in 5 days" Did I get it right Mom? I have made my lists for the week. Yeah, I know. My New Year's Resolution for 2010 was no more lists. But, come on... it is impossible for the insanely list oriented me to succumb to a life of not crossing things off a sheet of paper. I divided my list into have to's, need to's, want to's and should do's. So it is prioritized. Even though the list is prioritized and even though only a specific list needs done this week, I want to see it all get done.

I have all these things that I want to do and should do and I never have the time. Either there are other things that are my priorities or other things that have to get done it puts all of the "want to's" on the back burner. And the days that I actually have time to work on a "want to" I am so exhausted that all I want to do is hang out with the Monkey Baby and just enjoy my day off. It is just so hard sometimes with my full work schedule and trying to take care of everything around the house until Jake gets home, spending time with the Crazy Kid and then trying to do the Cool Mom stuff. Special invites for Kenzie's birthday, plans for a homemade cake I want to make, preparing a great get together with our friends and family, Christmas projects that still need to get finished up and a million other things that I want to find the time for. I know I need to take it all one day at a time, one project at a time. I just get so burned out still. I try so hard to do more and more everyday. I know I'm getting better. I know I'm doing more and more. I know that this too is another test of my strength and determination. I am starting to feel more and more like the old me. Bad days are better, good days are better. But I'm still not there yet. I know that this too will past. I know I will look back on this and not be able to remember the hard days. I just get so frustrated sometimes. I get mad at myself that I'm not stronger and more determined on my bad days to just push through no matter what.

Right now, Kenzie is snuggled away in her bed for the night with her baby. Jake is snoring away on the couch. I should be getting a start on the week. But, for tonight, for right now, I am going to relax. My frustrations are out. My goals for the week are set. I am just going to finish watching my t.v. show in silence and then head to bed. The rest can wait until the daylight breaks.

So goodnight all! I'm going to bed with thoughts of sugar plums dancing in my head. And, just maybe, I will get lucky enough that Santa thinks I'm a good enough girl to bring me my two presents this year!

A Sad Reminder

Sometimes unfortunate things happen in our lives or in the lives of someone we may or may not know. When these types of circumstances surface, we tend to not only feel the sadness or devastation of those around us but we will also reflect on what that situation would mean to us. Earlier this week, one of the most horrible things happened to a family I don't even know. I only know them from driving by their home twice a day, four days a week for the past 10 months. This family unfortunately experienced a house fire. Now, I don't know all of the details about what transpired. From what I've heard, the husband was smoking an elk in the garage. Not too atypical in our neck of the woods or in the lives of so many of our friends. At some point the garage caught on fire. The rest of the family was in the house. Luckily, the wife noticed the fire and was able to get herself, their little girl and dog out of the house safely. This all occurred about the time the elementary school in the neighborhood was letting out. As I drove to pick up Kenzie from school, there had been several police cars and firetrucks combined to combat the blaze for about a half an hour. Dozens of parents were lined up on the sides of the road waiting to be able to drive down the streets to get to their own homes. When I got to Sara's house, the house had been burning for about an hour. As I said a prayer for the safety of the family and a prayer of hope for the firefighters to be able to convince the fire to succumb for good, a significant portion of the front of the house was destroyed. The garage was burned. The fire had spread to the front entrance of the house and the porch was in the process of collapsing. The walls on the sides and back of the house still didn't show any signs of what was happening to the south. The fire was just beginning to engulf the second story above the garage. The next morning, I was not prepared for the mass devastation that I was going to witness.

This is my first view of the horrible ending to a very sad ordeal.

The house next door experienced major burning on the siding of the house about 25-30 feet away. The side of the house where the garage is gone besides the struts that created the house's structure. The rest of the house looks like a haunted house on Halloween.

The fire was so intense that the front of the car is melted. The rubble of fallen burned debris clutters the once beautiful front yard.

Thankfully, everyone is safe. But I am so saddened for this family. They lost their home. They lost the only place their little girl has ever lived. They lost everything...cars, clothes, photos, special pieces of family history, and everything they have worked so hard in their lives to earn. Like my Dad always says when there is a disaster..."It's just stuff, it can be replaced. People can't." And this reminder is the back of my mind always. My heart just sinks from the devastation that that family must have felt watching their home be destroyed. This weekend as I pack up some of Kenzie's clothes that don't fit and get out some hand-me-downs that will soon, I'll be making a second pile. Some things for a little girl that doesn't have any. And my Goodwill box has a few things that might help them while they begin to recover the losses. I know it will not bring back their home and everything they lost, but I hope they know with the few things that we can share with them, there is another family thinking about them and keeping them in their prayers. But as I said in a time of mass destruction, we look at what could have been or should have been done to avoid such a tragedy. Things we take for granted. Things that we say, "I've done this a million times before and nothing bad has every happened." Things that we put off to tomorrow because we think there will be a tomorrow.

Because of this I'm changing. I know have a timer on my phone as a reminder once a month.

• Check smoke detectors and carbon monoxide detectors
• Re tighten Kenzie's car seat (even though I already do this frequently with how often we change vehicles)
• Check outlets and fuse boxes for any signs of melting or electrical problems.
• Change batteries in emergency flashlights and radio
• Check fire extinguishers for signs of damage

There are so many things that we do that we aren't as cautious as we should be.

• Leaving appliances plugged in when we aren't using them
• Using lights that have somewhat loose wiring harnesses
• Leaving the burn barrel unattended for short amounts of time
• Leaving the grill unattended while we are cooking dinner
• Not having a smoke detector in the shop
• Leaving the electric that hooks up the garden laying on the ground when we aren't in the garden any longer

There are also so many things that need to be taken care of in case we ever experience a disaster. Most of our important paperwork lives in a fireproof safe. There are things that aren't in there that probably should be...account numbers, photos of vehicle VIN numbers, documentation of big purchases. But there are a lot of important things that should be in there also. A DVD copy of all of our pictures. Kenzie's baby book and memories. Our wedding book and memories. Horse and dog registration papers. My great-grandma's wedding rings. All of the letters Jake has given me over the years. Yes, these are just things. But they are such important memories. I would hate to be left without them. Regardless, a disaster of any sort is hard to think about but preparedness for a "if" that hopefully never arrives isn't a bad thing either. It could never bring back everything lost, but there would still be memories to pass on. But it's important to remember to do these safety things now, when they are in your thoughts and not wait for tomorrow. This I will do everytime my calendar timer goes off because of such a sad reminder.

Rough Times

Life has been rough lately. We have just been taking one blow after another. Roz colicked and require a late Sunday night visit from the vet. The truck died. And died. And died again with no end in sight of it actually running again soon. Everyone has been sick. Work has been extremely demanding on both of us lately. We've been feeling the financial strains from everything on top of our already tight budget. I had to turn down a commitment because I just can't take it all on right now. That was very hard for me to do. We have had more late nights in the last two weeks than we have had since in I don't know how long. We are just tired and overwhelmed and frustrated. Our strength has been a little shaken as of late and our foundation feels a little unsturdy. At times I feel claustrophobic. There is so much stress on us right now that I feel like everything surrounding us is trying to push right through me. Since we have had so many late nights and added stress, nothing has gotten the attention that it needs: garden, horses, general maintenance around the house, the projects we have in the works. It has all been put on a standstill. We have been having concerns and questioning changes we have been thinking about making and don't really know which direction we should go quite yet. I know that we are only going to be handed what we can handle. I know we have made it through so many times before and I know we will persevere. It has just been hard. With all that being said, I thought I would try and find some strength. Some words for us to hold on to right now to help us get through everything a little easier. Maybe calm our hearts and heads a little.

"Do not be anxious about anything,but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,present your requests to God.And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."Philippians 4:6-7

"So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries.Today’s trouble is enough for today."Matthew 6:34

"Now may our Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God our Father,who loved us and gave us eternal comfort and good hope through grace"2 Thessalonians 2:16

"For the LORD will be your confidence,And will keep your foot from being caught."Proverbs 3:26

"Now this is the confidence that we have in Him,that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us."1 John 5:14

"If they obey and serve him, they will spend the rest of their days in prosperity and their years in contentment."Job 36:11

"Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD."Psalm 27:14

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength."Philippians 4:13

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power"Ephesians 6:10

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."Proverbs 3:5-6

"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee:because he trusteth in thee."Isaiah 26:3

"Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall."
Psalm 55:22

"God is our refuge and strength,an ever-present help in trouble."Psalm 46:1

"Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me."John 14:1

As I look through these versus my heart is starting to feel a release from all of the pressures we have been under and I am starting to feel a sense of calm. I am really happy I put these words here. Now when we feel overwhelmed or anxious or frustrated we can turn to here and let the versus calm our souls.

Just Jump

"Ready...Three...Go."

You can learn a lot from little kids, especially a smart little cookie like Kenzie. This is by far one of her favorite phrases and I think it says a lot about her. Since little Miss Smarty has mastered all the animal names and their sounds that she looks at in her books, we moved on to other things that all little boys and girls need to learn. She mastered the location and names of the parts of her face and other people and animals in about a week. I have to tell you I am so proud of her and how excited she is to share with everyone her wealth of 20 month old knowledge. I am just very glad to not have to know where my eye is every 15 seconds considering Kenzie likes to have her finger examined REALLY closely. Since she learned the newest lesson, we once again moved on to something new and challenging for her. Numbers. It took just a couple of days for her to be able to repeat all the numbers back as you counted to her. In a few short days, she is already counting on her own. Three through ten. All by herself and in the correct order every time. To try and help her out with her numbers, we learned to say, "Ready...1, 2, 3...Go!" whenever we are going to jump on something or peek around a corner to scare Daddy. Kenzie, being the quick learner adapted our little saying all on her own. "Ready...Three...GO!" At first, I would stop her and repeat it back trying to have her repeat back numbers 1 and 2. After I thought about it a little while, I decided that it wasn't really necessary. Why? Well, it was time to go.

The more I think about it to Kenzie one and two just aren't important. All they do is lead up to three, which means go. Why waste time doing extra stuff when you can jump right to where you want to be and just go? That is how my sweet little girl does everything. She jumps right in, ready to take it all on. Boy, how could I ever know that my biggest motivator would be such an amazing little girl. It is amazing how we seem to lose that ability and just go. We get older and get bogged down with to-do's and routines. We forget to see each day as a little kid. I know I do. I know that I stop and make a 1 and a 2 that have to get done first even though I want to be at 3. I stop myself from GO because...well, because. And I think that is the best answer. Because. There is always a because or a should. I am starting to take note in the smarts of such a little bundle of go. I am starting to jump more. The 1 and 2 will always be there. But the go, that is now and now is something that I won't get back.

I am so thankful for the daily reminder from my little personal motivation queen. You know, we get all the reflection emails and the motivation tips in articles that we watch for on a daily or weekly basis. I am lucky. I have those reminders and tips and rewards every minute that I get to spend with Kenzie. I just never realized it. I look forward to getting those little tidbit of self improvement. It gives me a few minutes to take a good look at myself and see little areas in my life where I can strive to be happier and more positive. I just needed a really big knock on the head. I have those reminders every minute of the day that I get to spend with such a inspired toddler.

• Greet each morning with a smile, a "hi-ya" and the best answer to the daily how are you today? "it's good morning." Every morning as we get her dressed, I get a huge hug. Every morning during that hug I take the biggest relaxing breath. What a great way to start each day. A happy thought and a relaxing breath.
• Everything is up. No matter if she wants up or down, Kenzie says up. This makes me laugh so much, because the more I think about it...down is up. We get to get up from sitting to go play. We get to get up from being held and get to go play. I think everyone should think of everything as ups. What a way to lift your spirit.
• Constant high fives, knuckles and kisses. Whether we are reading, coloring pretties, helping with chores, working in the garden a good deed is always noticed. Those nice remarks from a proud Momma are always rewarded with a nice action. I look forward to Kenzie doing anything that is good because I'm selfish. Everytime I tell Kenzie how pretty her picture is or how good of a job she did feeding Pody, Kenzie stops what she is doing to come over and give a kiss or knuckles back. It is so amazing how she is so willing to stop doing her own thing to do a nice thing for something that she just got told she was doing well. I notice my mindset is starting to change because of the little thanks Kenzie gives. I am constantly looking for the good in everything and I am constantly rewarding all the good things from everyone and everything around me.

There are so many amazing little kid things that do so many amazing things to the souls of their parents. Taking the time to join back in a game of tag or hide and seek. Laughing when you know they are doing something just to see you smile. I am so thankful for my little girl. I am so happy for all the little lessons and reminders that are being learned...by me. I look forward to taking advantage of moments that require a "Ready...Three...Go."

Finding “That Girl” Again

I knew a girl once that choose her own direction. She was extremely dedicated, focusing all her energy and blazing her own trail right to success. I knew a girl that didn’t think she could fail. She met her goals and dreams head on and had the conviction to keep striving until she succeeded. I knew a girl that had very large dreams. She talked about her visions for her life, and even though very few achieve what she had in store for her life, her eyes always remained looking at the stars. You knew, just by talking to her, that she one day would achieve all the things that were in her heart. Her determination was beyond evident in everything she did. This girl stuck to her own set of values and more than anything she was proud of the person she was. I haven’t talked to this girl in years. We were such great friends. There was no fight, no disagreement that created the separation that is between us now. We just slipped away from each other slowly, not even realizing that we were growing apart. I haven’t thought about that girl in years and now…well, I don’t even think she would recognize me. That girl…well, she was me…a different lifetime ago.

I got a little behind on reading my Healthy Reflections emails. Okay, like 6 days behind; but it was for good reason. I promise. I am trying very hard to reflect in my journal after I read each email. Since I didn’t have the time to sit and really look at them, I decided to wait until I could make the time. Well, I read all 6 a couple days ago and reflected in my journal like I wanted to. Now, normally I feel good about the conclusions that I make about each days topics, but these 6 left me in a state of derailment. The waters are still muddy and mucky as they continue to slosh around in my brain. Even after rereading them and looking over my comments, I had a funky feeling in my stomach that I can’t shake and my mind wanders back to all of the inconclusiveness that stuck with me through the rest of the day.

The first two topics were great reminders for me. Things that tend to get thrown to the wayside when the going gets a little rocky. The first was to make the most of every day and every hour. Since I read this, it has been a constant post-it note in my mind. The more I keep focused on making the most of every day, the less stressed I seem to be. I love to cross things off a list. I don’t think that will ever change. I’ve tried to do things and just do them, but it isn’t the same. I am just an organized loving, anal-retentive list maker. I’ve accepted it and I know my husband has come to terms with that. There is just something about a list that keeps me motivated to cross off the last item at the end of the day. However, I also have a tendency to create lists that would take an army of 30 people to complete from one sun up until it falls that evening. I try to do everything in one day, and I need to be okay with the fact that I just can’t. It just isn’t possible and that is okay! That concept is getting easier for me to grasp for two reasons. One, I’m spending time playing with Kenzie. That is important and essential my life. It is such a joy to be able to take a breather and just enjoy her goofiness and relish in the amazement of everything exciting and new and fun. Two, by making the most of every day, little bits and pieces of projects are getting done. Even if they take a week to do, we are gaining that whole day back that we would have to spend if we waited to do it all at once. So, I’m working on this one. It isn’t easy, but that bright pink post-it in my head is working.

Since I’m a world renowned list connoisseur, the second one is a pretty easy post-it note maker as well. Do you have a recorded history? The quotes that really stood out to me were “the palest ink is better than the best memory” and “the secret to reaching your goals may rest in the written word.” I have set a new goal for myself. Even though I love completing the list every day, it shouldn’t mean I can’t write down the good stuff each and every day also. I’m trying to at least have a status update everyday. If that is all I write for the day, that’s ok…it’s still a memory to look back on down the road. Getting on the computer and just writing something, my goals are staying in the front of my mind. Just looking at my page, reminds me of my goals and what I want to accomplish. So, the purple post-it note is a success also!

The other four aren’t that easy. The topic titles themselves were like punches to the stomach. The fight and struggle that these words started has been an ongoing battle since I laid eyes on my computer screen that morning. How do you show your individuality?, the power of having a dream and a vision, what would you do if you knew you wouldn’t fail? and lastly, blazing your own trail. As I work to sort through my thoughts and as I try to make it across the muddy mess in my head, the reflections that pop up seem to just make my head race more and my heart hurt with longing. I am so far away from that girl that could answer these questions easily. The girl that met challenging questions and was ready to conquer the world finding the answers she seeks.

I used to be a self-made girl. That girl had a sturdy foundation of beliefs and values. Even in the worst of storms, she was able to stand strong and found strength by living and reacting from that foundation. She was an individual. She had her own stand, her own voice, and her own convictions. “These are the people who do more than shock; they leave long-lasting impressions.” WAM! That sentence felt like someone punched me square in the gut when I read it. I remember coming back home years after leaving for college to hear people start sentences with “you’re the girl…” and “you used to…” The type of person I was left those kinds of impressions. I feel like just another person in the crowd these days. I feel like I have lost my individual strength and I’m just living in the shadows of that girl that once was.

“Nothing is wrong with hard work; determination and elbow grease are what make the best dreams possible. But it's interesting that most work makes us look downward, while dreams lift our eyes to the sky. While you're keeping that nose to the grindstone, make sure you keep your head up to see where you're going.” KABOOM! That one was like a left jab right to my jaw. I haven’t thought about the dreams of that girl in such a long time. It feels like they are almost an entirely different person’s visions. I don’t have to think hard to remember those dreams. The girl, yes…those dreams, no. I know how hard she was working towards it all. I know the days she was tired and dirty and sweaty, and I remember that she knew someday all of that would pay off. She looked at the stars hoping and yearning to see what was in store for her someday. Now, thinking about her…it makes my heart sad. How can something that I was once so passionate about feel like someone else’s fairy tale? I want those dreams to come back. I want to get tunnel vision again and work hard. I want to find that spark in me again.

“Far away in the sunshine are my highest aspirations.
I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them,
and try to follow where they lead.”
- Louisa May Alcott

“There's a reason that star-gazing provokes the most powerful dreams. They're right there for the taking, yet you can't touch them. Their distance only feeds an ability to inspire. Dreams may seem out of reach, but that's not the point of dreams. They're there to be felt, not touched or dissected. What a star is made of is meaningless to a moonlit dreamer. The epic possibilities are what's important. The payoff is not so much in the destination as it is in the journey. By following your dreams, you make their beauty a part of who you are. Your life begins to shine. You become a better person. By chasing that star, you've already captured its magic.” The more emails I read, and the more phrases that I read like this, the inner assault just keeps on coming. I’m starting to really feel the beating…a few scrapes, a couple of bruises and quite a few open sores at this point.

”When you listen to naysayers who convince you that it can't be done, you endure history. When you set your priorities and stick to them, you make history. When you get distracted by things that you find useless, you endure it. When you decide to have a good day, you create a life you want. When you allow outside forces to dictate your mood, you get the life that's given to you.” Outside forces seemed to dictate everything for quite sometime. I know it was all due to my thyroid. I know that person who was weak and gave in and let the world tell me what my day was going to say about me, wasn’t me. It is still a little hard to accept that whole timeframe as a period in my life. Some times the memory of those dark days, cloud my judgment and still make me question if she is still around, lurking in the shadows. I am starting to find pride in how much better I am getting. I can look back on that horrible version of myself and feel good about how far I have come. My heart still aches to be the girl that once was.

Since reading these emails, I went through so many emotions. I was mad and angry, I felt defeated, I felt like the struggle back was an uphill battle that was going to ultimately win. But, as a few days have passed since I started writing, something has changed. I am starting to find a small fire burning, yearning to keep searching for the girl I used to know. I have a small voice in my head telling me to keep going. I want to find that girl. I want to be proud of myself again like that girl used to be. I am trying to dig deep and I am really searching for her. I just pray that I can find her…that she isn’t gone for good. I know I have to try. I owe it to that girl and to myself now.

Reflecting now, this week was good for me. It really was. These emails are making me want to find that girl. I know this is a big step for me in the right direction. I know how horrible I felt about these emails after I first read them. Now, I know they are doing their purpose on my heart and soul. I know that this week has gained my huge strides in getting back to that girl. And this struggle, this journey … boy, I know she would be proud right now.

Today

Today, we did one of the hardest things ever.

We did what was best, even though our hearts are breaking.

Today, we lost one of our best friends.

Gotta Get Excited About Something...

Sigh..this week has just been something.

Sigh...I really got nothing.

Sigh...it has really just been one thing after another and I'm exhausted.

Sigh...I just gotta get excited about something.

Sigh.

There is just so much going on in the next few days. Tonight is just the start of it all. Since I won't have my normal house cleaning, laundry, get ready for the rest of the weekend time, it is all getting shoved in with the rest of tonight's festivities. So my evening's to-do-list looks pretty non-exciting: Laundry, dishes, clean house, get packed for tomorrow, etc., etc., etc. Nothing fun or exciting. OH, and then there is hay tonight. 100 bales to move. Sigh.

Tomorrow, Kenzie and I have to work. We have our Annual Prospect Cattle, Lamb, Goat and Hog Show at the fairgrounds. We have to be on location about 35 minutes away all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at 7:30. So besides getting up and going, we have chores and to finish getting everything ready to go. We are in work mode with the lambs and goats until 4 p.m. Our job isn't too hard. We are the Superintendents along with two other co-workers and our job entails weighing all animals, setting up the classes, running the show and making sure that everything runs smoothly. Knowing Makenzie, she is going to refuse to nap at all with all of the commotion going on around her...she is going to be exhausted by the time we are done. Thankfully, we have a lot of friends that want to see Muchkin Little, so she should stay pretty well entertained all day. Afterwards, we don't get to head home. We are headed to Denver for the Rockies game. It should be a lot of fun. I just have a feeling we are all going to be utterly exhausted by the time we get to our seats.

Sunday. No rest of the weary. Hopefully, fingers, toes and eyes crossed, the homestead will be dried up. We need to work in the garden big time. And the ever loving Honey-Do List is over three miles long. So, somehow, someway I need to find the motivation to buckle down and get a few things knocked off.

With everything that has happened this week, I just don't know where it is going to come from. The "umph" just isn't there. Somehow, I gotta find it again. Maybe, I'll feel like talking about it all later. Right now, I just don't want to. That is about all I've got at the moment. Kindof depressing, I know. But I was hoping to get a little excited about something. Guess I'm just not there yet...

Tornado Season Has Begun With No End Insight

Warning: For those brave enough to enter the disaster area.

Upon first look...it doesn't look so scary

There are such cute little girl things that create the feeling of calm before the storm...

There are even still her cute baby things that lead to a sense of security...

however misleading it may be...

Even the peace from a reading nook doesn't show the real damage that this storm creates...

Yes...They predicted correctly! Tornado Makenzie is in full swing and there is no end insight to the damage and destruction that will occur.

On Saturday at around 6:31 p.m., Tornado Makenzie was in full swing. It swept through the living room and obliterated all little girl toys in it's path. It relocated a little girl's room off of our bedroom and set it down with no major damage in what used to be Dad's video game room. Those affected by the storm are quite pleased with the new location. Momma is quite excited that she has a clear path thru the living room. Kenzie is quite excited to see all of the toys on the bottom of her toy wagons that have been unearthed from the intense winds that blew through.

The amount of damage created by such a sweet looking little girl is going to be an ongoing assessment made on a daily basis by her loving parents.

The Feel of A Ride

I had a question presented to me the other night. Can we teach feel, can it be learned, or is it something that some people have naturally? It got me thinking…

I think that feel has different meaning to different people and depending on the riding discipline and level of a particular horse and rider combination. I agree that kids have a natural feel, but I think that it is not the same type of feel that we talk about in respect to the concepts of centered riding. Kids just have a knack for balance and I think their fearlessness and youthful natural is more of a contributor to their riding abilities that anything else. I remember riding one of our ponies triple bareback in the pasture when we were kids. I don’t think there was any real feel to it, we just rode and tried to keep each other on. To a young kid, that is riding…making the horse go, just go regardless of the direction or speed. I mean it is like anything else you learn as a kid; how to ride a bike, ice skate, or do gymnastics. How many of these things do we try to learn as adults and we end up never really being good at or sticking with it long enough to get that “natural feel” as we watch little kids do circles around us? I think it is easier to start to become what people consider a natural rider as a kid. That confidence that kids possess in themselves is something that as we get older we seem to lose sight of as riders as we begin to question and assess our riding especially once we start to learn to read horses. I know I fall into that category at times especially when I am working a horse that is giving off warning signs of a dangerous behavior. I alter the way I ride when a horse starts to show signs of rearing or bucking or whatever to make sure I’m not going to come out of the saddle. What does a little kid do? They ignore the behavior and just keep riding, or I think a lot of times they don’t even acknowledge those signs that we become sometimes too in tune to as we get older. That is one thing I think we can definitely learn from little kids, sometimes we need to stop focusing on a particular moment of riding and just ride and sometimes we can fix a bad habit by letting things just fall into place.

There are so many people that have always wanted to ride as a kid, and as adults are finally given the chance to learn. When they first begin, I think a lot of times they let their brain get too involved, because as adults we definitely try to guard ourselves from things that we want to do but are fearful or nervous of at the same time and that restricts their ability to get past their reservations. There are a lot of those beginner adult riders that progress and grow into great riders once they gain confidence and I do think a lot of them under good instruction can develop that same natural feel as much so as someone that has been riding all their lives. On the other end of the spectrum, look at the little kid that is nervous to ride. They clamp their legs and hold on a horse’s mouth and never relax. I have seen so many kids like this that lose interest in horses because they can’t relax enough to let the feel of the horse dictate their movements and enjoy the ride. Can a kid like this ever establish a natural feel or even a learned feel for that matter even with time if they are never able to let go of their fear? Or is that something we can even teach a kid or adult for that matter with that level of nervousness? Can we teach someone who is that fearful to override their insecurities to become an actual rider?

As a rider progress past the point of learning balance and how to stay on when the horse goes through their gaits, at that point I do think that it becomes a learned feel. A lot of times at this stage, both the rider and the horse are learning together. And it could be anything from how to do a collected stop to learning to ride on the trail to learning how to achieve reining spins. In a lot of these situations were the rider is trying to advance their skills and they are trying to teach their horse something new at the same time I think that natural feel is a non-determining factor. I remember when I got my hunter under saddle horse, Oscar. He was already an accomplished show horse that went around the ring for the most part pretty solidly. However, when I was starting to take lessons on him, my instructor had me get on a different mare that she had at the barn also and had me feel her trot and lope and worked me through different hand and leg positions. At that moment in time, I didn’t have the knowledge or necessarily the understanding of how my movements were affecting the stride, all I could feel was the difference between that mare and Oscar. As they taught me how each hand movement or leg position aided me in improving his movement, the pieces of the puzzle over time feel into place and slowly I was able to emulate that same type of movement with him also. So, there becomes two sides of the equation. The horse has to be able to understand what type of feel you are trying to create and the rider needs to be able to recognize when the horse has achieved their version of that same movement. How many riders have we taught over the years that have struggled with a particular movement and just can’t get it? In those situations, what would we do? We would have them get off their horse, and we would pull out JR or Oscar or Royboy or whoever and have them go thru the same motions as they were doing on their horse. The only difference was that these horses had already mastered what the person was trying to achieve so that riders movements were actually resulting in what they were trying to achieve with their own horse. They would have a total light bulb moment. Now, when they got back on to their horse, they didn’t instantly get the result they were going for, but they now had the feel they were look for and knew what place they were trying to get to. It is the same as riding a good horse and then getting the opportunity to ride a great one. It doesn’t matter what discipline or breed…a great horse is something that everyone can appreciate. And when you get a chance to ride that great one, your natural feel lets you experience the quality of that great horse and what the standard for that discipline is like.

On that same note, there have been numerous times that I can’t explain the feel to a rider. I will be helping someone and from the ground what I am saying should be yielding the desired results. So, in those cases, I have to get on the horse. I have to be able to feel what the horse is doing. I need to see for myself how the way I’m holding the reins or using my legs is affecting the horse. Sometimes, I have to make a subtle adjustment and that does the trick and then I can explain what I changed. Other times, the horse does what I want and I have to adjust the rider to get them to ask the horse the right way. I think at that point in a rider’s career, natural feel and learned feel start to melt together and you just feel and do what comes naturally. There are so many times I have been on a horse and someone asks me how I did what I did or how I know the horses shoulders are down or they aren’t engaging their hindquarters or the bit is restricting the horse. A lot of those times I don’t really know. I just do. I just felt it. My experience has just lead me to that conclusion.

Then we spin the wheel a little further and another question about what feel is comes up. What level of feel should we be trying to achieve? The Centered Riding principles are a great place to describe the different body parts and how we can use them to ride correctly. It is like what Mom has wrote about in her blog after her clinics, it is little suble changes that make a huge difference in how we sit and in return how the horse responds to a ¼ inch adjustment. I think every person no matter their level of riding or discipline can all achieve a better feel. How many people ride a single discipline their whole lives? How many of these people get on a horse of a different discipline and feel like they have never rode before? Did they lose their feel? Or have they adapted their feel to a certain style of riding? I have a friend that has only rode Saddlebreds come ride with me the other night. We swapped horses for a while and she rode one on my Pleasure mares for a while. She is in riding shape however, when we were done she laughed because the movement felt so foreign to her and she was sore the next day. She could tell and describe the differences in the stride between her normal mount and mine. So even though she didn’t ride Peaches well by Quarter Horse Western Pleasure standards, what does that say about learned and natural feel?

I also think that the way we ride sometimes inhibits our thoughts on feel. I think a lot of riders, myself included, don’t push ourselves beyond our comfort levels enough to develop our feel. I used to be an extremely good bareback rider. However; now, I wouldn’t ride either of my mares bareback. What does that say about my feel? Do I have a diminished sense of feel because I don’t feel secure without a saddle anymore and I would be all over the place if I were to try riding this way today? I know some amazing world class riders that aren’t comfortable without a saddle or for that matter a particular type of saddle between them and the horse. Should this be the ultimate accomplishment? For a rider to ride any horse bareback…to be able to feel the horse directly underneath of them? I remember seeing Lynn Palm perform on Rugged Lark after she won the Superhorse at Worlds. She rode him thru multiple advanced dressage maneuvers and over jumps without a saddle or bridle. Stacey Westfall’s freestyle reining patterns while bareback and bridle-less are almost just as well known. How many people can ride a World Champion reiner bareback while performing a 30 foot sliding stop or 5 spins at point earning speed? Now to me, that is feel. That is what I think every rider should strive for, to be that confident in themselves and their ability to achieve that level of feel.

All in all, I think feel has so many levels. I think the correct feel is different for every level of riding and for that matter each different discipline. I don’t think that there is one right feel. There are definitely different ways to get a better feel, like the Centered Riding or Natural Horsemanship techniques. So, after all of my ramblings…I think that is a good thing. That there is no one and only right feel. That way there is something for every rider regardless of their level or discipline a place to strive for. That is the good thing about learning from different horses. We develop our feel from each and every horse. I know I need to reflect on all of the horses that I have rode over the year and appreciate the time I had with them. Those horses have helped me to build the foundation of feel that I have now. They gave me the feel that I bring to the table on each and every horse I ride. They have let me enjoy the power of a ride…

Drumroll Please!

So...I figure if everyone else can have a Top Ten List so can I! DISCLAIMER: This list doesn't reflect the Top Ten in any particular order.

Here we go:

Top Ten Reasons I LOVE Springtime!

1. GARDEN TIME!
It is going to be so nice this year. We started a garden last year and disaster struck. First off, we were late...like almost two months late with most of our planting. The neighbor's cows decided our corn looked awfully tasty. Considering that they don't understand that plugging in a fence in order to make it hot is the only effective way to keep your cows in, we went from having almost shoulder high corn to two inch stalks within a day. Understandably, our dedication to our garden went down the drain instantly. This year is different. Tomatoes, cabbage and peppers have been basking in the sunlight of the breakfast nook for several weeks now. The tomatoes are even ready to head out to the cold frame that now dones a new plastic cover. We are even getting ready to start round 2 of cabbage plants inside this week along side watermelon and cantaloupe seeds. Raspberries, boysenberries and strawberries are already in the ground courtesy of Grandpa. Now, this is where we get smart: we fenced the garden! Well, partially...it will be finished this week. Railroad tie corners, t-posts strung with hot wire, and a rabbit fence on the bottom should do the trick this year. I'm very excited for what we are going to produce this year. We'll just see how good of a farmer Jake really is!

2. CLEAN CARS!
Did anyone know my cars are white? Anyone? Hello? All I hear is crickets? You can respond now...Yes, the tan camouflage exterior of our vehicles is no longer. Actually, I can't believe how WHITE our cars really are. It has been that long. 6 miles of dirt road each direction doesn't really facilitate cleanliness during the winter. Not only did the exteriors of the cars get a good power washing and scrubbing, (and scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing), and wheels polished but the insides got attention as well. Vacuum, dust removed from the dashes, windows cleaned, leather cleaned and conditioned. OH, and the biggie...no more Makenzie sippy cup splatters on the window. Or the door. Or the plastic on her chair. Or on the seat. Thankfully, that little girl has learned the lesson that throwing sippy cups is not a nice habit. I just love driving in a clean, dust free, fresh smelling car again. That is...until the rain.

3. NO MORE DOG SMELL!

Need I say more? If so, you are more than welcome to come next spring and take a whiff of Ruger's crate and that should do the trick in dispelling any lingering uncertainty that anyone could possibly harbor.

4. SHINY, PRETTY SILVER!

I am so late on my annual tack deep cleaning. I usually clean through the stuff that I usual on a regular basis throughout the summer. I ALWAYS clean all of my tack at the end of the season. That way the dirt, dust, grime is off my tack while it sits all winter waiting to be used again. Well, I completely put this off last fall. I had tack sitting in my house for months...OK, OKAY... like 6! Well, it is all clean now. It is so nice to feel a clean pair of reins in your hand as you ride. But the best part...cleaning silver. To some people it is such a tedious task but I love it. It is so relaxing. I like starting with a piece of tarnished, sometimes turning green colored silver and slowly, the grime and wear from the year starts to disappear. I could sit for hours rubbing on a headstall or halter getting it to shine. There is just something about it.

5. THAT FIRST RIDE!

Man, oh man! Am I ever sore today! Two rides for the season are officially under my belt, one on each horse. Peaches held the honor of being the first of the year. She rode like a rock star! She went around great! She is going to be so much fun this year and I am so excited to really start riding as soon as we are both in shape. Trail and Western Riding are on the top of the Learning Priority List for the year and I think we are ready to tackle both. Roz got rode last night. After two hours, a little running her butt into the ground, a very wet saddle pad, and a not so clean headstall later...we got her rode! Bonus ~ my butt stayed IN the saddle, which with Roz is always an accomplishment. She definitely tried her head tossing, rearing scare bit, but we made it through and got a lope in both directions. Holy cow, can that mare lope! Now, that I know what she is capable of when she behaves the work can actually begin. There is one thing that would make that first ride better...a freshly dragged arena. By the end of the week, I will have that too. There is nothing better than those first hoof prints...

6. OH, SO PRETTY!

Everybody got baths! After the winter, it has to feel so good to get the dirt and grime and sweat that has accumulated in their coats since fall. The girls not only got baths and their tails put up, but they also got their first trim job for the spring. There is just something about getting all of the whiskers trimmed up. It's like we are trimming up all of the remnants of last year and are starting to prepare for a new year. It's not perfect by any means, but it is a start place...the building blocks to grow on for the year. Woohoo! Philosophical moment for Sara! I know, take a minute...let it all soak in. Right up there with the first hoof prints in a freshly drug arena is the first pieces of mane that get clipped. My mom always hated this. The horses would grow such nice manes all winter and she wouldn't be able to chop them off in the spring. But, I love it! It is such a liberating feeling. There are absolutely no words...

7. FRESH AIR!

I love spring air...so fresh and clean. The screens to all of the windows in the house are getting put on this week also. I love being able to open the windows and turning on the ceiling fan. It is so wonderful to have the fresh air circulating through the house. It is so great to be able to hear birds chirping, no cars and the peace and quiet.

8. MAKENZIE'S ENERGY RELEASE!

Kenzie absolutely LOVES playing outside. She is one busy little girl and loves to explore. The bonus for us is we can wear her out a lot faster. By the end of the summer she is going to be a tryc-riding machine! She absolutely loves her bike. I don't know if it is so much the bike or that she is like her Daddy riding a JD green machine. LOL, she is such a Daddy's girl! She also has a couple of trucks that she loves to "Vroom" around. And her playground. Up the ramp. Down the ramp. Up the ramp. Down the slide. Walking in the rocks. Swinging high. And higher. And faster. It is going to be so much more fun when we get sand in the sandbox for her. Her playground needs a little TLC. A fresh stain job, a few nails pounded in, lattice put back on the side of the ramp landing, a massive cleaning of the fort house, and a few no-slip boards added to the ramp will definitely do the trick. Oh, and then there is playing Frisbee with the dogs, watching Mom work the horses, helping in the garden, running down to see the horses, and chasing the cats calling "Hi, Kitty!" Oh, what a fun summer she is going to have.

9. SPRING CLEANING!

What a relief! We made it! I never thought we would have gotten through it all. Our house has been spring cleaned to the max. We have gone through every room, every closet, and every nook and cranny. Everything has been gone through and organized. Many, many, MANY bags of trash have left our house for it's burial. There is only one box of stuff to go to Good-Will and a small pile of papers that need some attention left. The shop looks so pretty. There is actually workspace and no dead moths and walk space and no mess! It is so nice to be able to use the shop as a shop and actually accomplish something in there. The horse trailer is ready for the season. The only mess left is the shed. However, the majority of the stuff in the shed is going to be coming out here in the next week or so and that will make that organizational task very painless. It is really nice to be on top of the ball for once versus our usual state of the ball pounding us into the ground.

10. LET PROJECT CENTRAL COMMENCE!

It is time to dust the old clipboard off and start prioritizing our summer. There is so much to do and hopefully we can find the time to do it all. Staining the deck, the garden, building agility equipment, the horses, fencing the arena, fencing the pasture so we can hopefully seed this fall, tearing out the dog kennels, maybe get set up for chickens...that one is a BIG maybe, getting Kenzie's playground ready for use, working the dogs, finally finish painting the inside of the house, and it only gets bigger from there. With all that is going on, there is so much fun stuff going to be happening too. Bar-B-Que, wading in Kenzie's baby pool, horse shows, bike rides, hiking, maybe a little caching thrown in there, clay shooting to get ready for fall, maybe a little golf and baseball.

What a ride we have set in store for us in the upcoming months!

Oh Boy, is it going to be fun!

What a Long Week!

Last week is finally over!

The only thing I can really say to that is well, a whole lot of nothing. It was such an exhausting week...I am so overwhelmed with fatigue, that it makes me even more tired just thinking about it all.

We had some really nice days last week for a pleasant change. On Tuesday, we spent a few hours outside just having fun. We went down to Great-Grandma's house for a visit and we had a lot to do! Grandpa has decided to raise rabbits again and they had some babies. I was kindof worried about getting Kenzie close to them since her dad is deathly allergic to them and I really wasn't up for having my baby girl turn purple on me like the horror stories I heard about Jake when he was little. But, she didn't have any problems at all. They were so cute...it reminds me of the bunnies my Grandma and Grandpa gave us as kids one year for Easter. We also walked around the farm, visiting with Kitty, seeing the day old dairy calf that was just accepted by the heifer cow that lost her calf the day before, and petting the wet noses of the yearling calves in the corrals. They were so curious of the little blue thing standing in their concrete feed bunker. Kenzie stood there half bent over with an arm outreached trying so hard to be still so that they would come up to her. I wish someone was out there with me...I know I missed some really great shots that afternoon. The main purpose of our trip was haircuts. Kenzie got her first real haircut and I got about 4 inches chopped off! A new look is always such a wonderful way to start spring!

We worked horses on Wednesday. Everybody was a little bit better than they were on Monday which was great. Roz was a little more relaxed. Not much, but I will take the little tries. Peaches didn't take the small punishments quite so much to heart. I know it just kills her to get into trouble but that is the main reason why I love her so much. Her tries were a little snappier and we moved through maneuvers a little bit quicker. Chex was a little more down to earth. I didn't get kicked at, or struck at, or attacked in any fashion. That was quite pleasant actually. Kenzie was trouble like always. Instead of playing with her toys that she had in her playpen, she decided that it would be more fun to stand on her box and try to reach the round pen panels and climb out to see the horses better. Oh, that little girl is trouble. It is going to be such a fun summer with her help. But, oh the trouble she will find.

We worked dogs too. Zip is actually sitting willingly even before I ask him to. We even started working on down, which is still a pretty foreign concept. He still thinks it means fall down and expose our belly for a rub. Ruger was great. He sat, down, and stayed on command. To top it all off, he brought the frisbee right back instead of his typical jaunts around the world. I guess he was getting the good behavior in to hopefully offset his stupidity as he tried to hang himself not once but twice later on in the week. Just so we are clear, it didn't work. The bad was, well, still just plain Ruger being an idiot.

Thursday the storm started coming in. So, we decided to go to a friends and see some babies. They had 3 kids born that morning. In total, they have about 100 kids and probably closer to 200 lambs. Kenzie had a blast and Matthew was so excited to show her all of the babies. The two of them had so much fun. Matthew herded Kenzie around as she tried to run after all of the babies that weren't quite sure to think about the kid that was normally not in their pens at feeding time and much smaller than their boy. Kenzie even got to feed some of the bottle lambs. She had such a great time. The day will come when we have a few on our place. As long as there are no pigs...I am game for it all especially with such good friends to teach us as we go. Except for pigs. I hate pigs. There will never be pigs. I will not be convinced otherwise either. Period.

Friday evening and Saturday were a blur. I was so exhausted mentally and physically from work, that I crashed almost the second I got in the house. By the time Saturday came around, Kenzie and I had the crud full strenght. Thankfully, we didn't have to do too much so we just existed. We did bake Dad a cake that Kenzie had a blast helping me decorate. That was what she wanted to do to thank him for taking such good care of us while we were under the weather. Besides, cake is a much easier word to say versus cookie or brownie. But that is besides the point. And it was such a great decision on her part...the cake tastes awesome. Bonus! Our decorating skills have improved since Kenzie's birthday. They aren't fabulous by any means...but we were both quite pleased! Jake has been doing that a lot this winter. I don't know what we would do without him!

Sunday went by so fast as well. We started planting our garden in the house. We have 15 tomato plants (different varieties: cherry, roma, and big boys) , 4 cabbage plants, and 10 peppers (some bell and some jalapenos) sitting in cups in our very sunny breakfast nook. I can't wait to see if we have sprouts this next weekend. It is going to be so exciting this summer. We have such great garden plans and I am ready to can and freeze until I am blue in the face. I have a feeling I will be a pro in no time flat! We had some friends stop by in the afternoon and stayed for dinner. It fit perfectly into our plans since I had a beef roast with vegetables already planned to eat with plenty of extra.

So, that brings us to another Monday morning. It is supposed to be snowy tomorrow and then rain Thursday and Friday. Figures. Stupid weather. Just be nice and springy and lovely. For a few days. It is time to be here officially. Easter is two weeks away and the weather has to be nice to hunt Easter eggs! I have decided no horses or dogs tonight. Kenzie is still pretty sick and I don't know if I can say that I am fully recovered yet either, so I am going to work inside and try to finish a few projects. That is my plan for the week. Finish projects that I have had started for ....well, it feels like forever. I just need to buckle down, suck it up and get busy. Hopefully, I can stay motivated. That typically seems to be my problem. I always start each week with such big plans but rarely by the end of the week do I actually have something or much of anything to show for it all. So maybe this week will be different. I would be so happy if the list would shrink a few lines. Maybe I can get some fun stuff in. Like pictures of the last few weeks uploaded. Like reading one of my magazines that are starting to get a nice little layer of dust on them. Just maybe... I guess we will just have to wait and see.

It's Spring! No... Wait... More Cold??!!??

Stupid weather!

I could end my blog right there.

That is really all that needs to be said.

It is really amazing how two little words put together can change a person's mood. But not only that, it can totally reek havoc on some great plans that a certain person, namely me, had for the week. Besides the utter frustration that it creates, the weather loves to tease and mock me. With a few nice hours, I start to get my hopes up and my excitement mounts and then WHAM! When I finally get an opportunity to take advantage of the more favorable temperatures, there seems to always be a turn for the worst the second I step outside of the house.

We finally made it through daylight savings. Once again, more dark mornings to do chores. How I know Jake enjoyed doing chores with natural light versus his head lamp. How the dogs hate to go out to the kennel before the sun rises. Just listen to Ruger's howling (which spurs Bailey's barking, and in turn gets Zip worked up and he follows in suit growling at a howling Ruger) for about 10 seconds and you can hear the sheer pain that we have imposed on him. How I hate having to turn on my car's headlamps to get to work and turn off the car only to hear the absolutely annoying beeper interrupting my so-far peaceful morning.

I look forward to longer days this year. It means a regular schedule is ready to get dusted off from the shelf of normalcy that needs to return to our lives and become my timeline for the next half a year. I look forward to leaving work. That sentence gives off false interpretation. I always look forward to leaving work. It means I get to spend time with my baby girl and that is the best part of my day. That, and getting my hug and kiss from Jake when he gets home from work. But with the sun hanging out in the sky a few hours longer each day, that means I actually have time to accomplish something productive outside. I know I can go out right when we get home for 30 minutes to an hour, but it has been cold, or windy...and Makenzie is not to fond of sitting in her stroller when the weather decides to bestow miserableness on our little corner of nowhere.

Does the weather not realize I have things to do?

Important things.

Things that require sunshine.

And no horribly nasty, bone freezing cold wind.

And no intermittent, "whenever we feel like throwing one in" snow storms.

I want to ride so badly. That is my main reason for winter to go into hibernation for the year. To me, this is the most frustrating time of the year. The horses are starting to feel good. Really good. I have three Tasmanian devils on my hands. They act like domino's. Something happens to one and ALL THREE have to respond. It really doesn't help that there is a baby amongst them. Chex is the cause of a lot of troubles. If the girls could talk they would say he is the source of all the problems. Poor little guy. He gets beat up on and taddled on. I sure feel his pain. Whenever Chex decides he wants to release some pent up energy, he releases the sanity that the girls contain as well. When everybody decides to get worked up, a five acre pasture for three horses is definitely NOT big enough. Thankfully as I knock on wood, no one has gotten hurt during play time. I hope that good streak continues this spring. I really don't need any unnecessary vet bills.

I am glad that the horses enjoy playing in the afternoons. Getting them out and working them here in the next few days will be a lot more productive if they actually have a little restraint. However, they have so much shedding out to do. I really don't blame them. 50 degree days and 10 degree nights aren't too conducive to that whole phenomenon. However, it makes me have to constantly be readjusting my plans. And when you have polar bears it takes quite a few days for the brushing to actually look like it is accomplishing anything. I swear, Peaches and Roz look like they have spent the last 4 months in Antarctica. And no, they are not just fat. Well, they are fat but they have ten times the winter coat a normal horse accumulates during the winter. Case in point, Chex was the last one worked last night. When I put him away at 6:30, his coat was a little cool and damp. Nothing that I would necessarily be concerned about. But, when I went outside to check everyone at 11:30, he was even more wet and cold to the touch. Talk about freaking me out and causing me to get absolutely no sleep worrying about the little guy getting sick on me. I can't sleep anyways. Haven't been able to for a few days now. No real reason why...I guess I just have to thank Dad for that little bit of genetic wiring. And unfortunately, I don't function well on no sleep. I'm cranky. And grouchy. And snappy. And kind of mean. I'm not really sure why my husband still loves me on these days. I sure am glad he does though.

Yesterday was our first workout of the spring. Kenzie was all decked out in her baseball cap, her sippy cup in her cubby, a few snacks, her pink Blackberry, and a book. Oh, the life my little girl leads! As she is sitting in her stroller jabbering away to Daddy on her phone waiting on the first horse to come by for her inspection, I can't help but get really excited for next year when she will have a pony of her own. This once again spurs my at work search for a good little reliable pony.

Roz was the first victim. Not only did I know she was going to take the most time, but that let the other two nimrods get some more energy out running around the pasture. Sigh. Roz. I wish that mare could talk and tell me what is going on in her little head. I would love to know. She stood great while I checked her over and brushed her out. She didn't even give Chex and Peaches running around acting like idiots the time of day which was great. I threw the lunge line on her and we started working on desensitizing her hindquarters. I don't think she got the message...Lesson of the day: DE-sensitizing, emphasis on the "DE". Everything I did resulted in movement. When I asked for a hindquarter yield and two eyes, she responded so quickly. Then I would get back into position to desensitize and I would get two eyes. So I would move back into position and I would get two eyes. Can you see where I am going with this? So we spent over a half an hour with me tapping her hindquarter waiting for her to relax and stop. Unfortunately, this is where our problems start. The more tapping I did, the more nervous and upset she got. She tried to stick her nose out and pull. She tried a couple rears. She tried a couple shoulder pushes. Everything but stopping. Just standing. That is all I wanted and it was like I was trying to kill her. That mare thinks WAY to much. But if we can't master a hip yield and then waiting calmly for the next direction, how do I expect her to slow lope and lead change and do turn arounds if the simplest task is too much. I have a feeling I will be doing a lot of desensitizing in the next few weeks. I only have myself to blame for this. I have worked so hard the last few years trying to force Roz to do what I ask and in exchange I created the bay monster I now have on my hands. Roz not only is very opinionated but she doesn't like to be in trouble. She tries to keep moving in order to avoid getting told what she is doing wrong or what you want her to do next. So in order to start changing this, I need to work on the little steps and making her do what is asked instead of changing my plans to Roz's whims. I hope once Roz learns this little Golden Rule of Horsemanship maybe, just maybe we will make some progress.

Peaches was next. I was covered in peach fuzz (literally) by the time I was done brushing her. Her hocks and stifles were definitely stiff from not being stretched out all winter so I really need to remember to do that everyday for a while again. We started out working on the same things as I did with Roz. Poor Peaches. She was so nervous and concerned. Since I have started her, we have had the same routine. She gets brushed, saddled and lunged to get rid of her energy before I start working her. And we didn't do that yesterday. Once she realized she wasn't going to die, her hindquarter yields were not as snappy as Roz but she was much better about relaxing for the desensitizing. We have to work on putting a little more effort into our maneuvers. Peaches loves to do as little as possible and sometimes that makes her a little sloppy in her res ponces. We also worked on following direction from a distance with a point. She is going to move through this stuff much faster than Roz. It is really important that I don't move her too fast through it all. She needs the confidence that is going to help build. She needs the praise (and lots of it) and reassurance that she gets after providing the right answer to the direction I give. Plus, I think it will help her react to more subtle movements correctly without so much effort on my behalf.

And finally we Meet Colonel Reminic. Chex led out of the pasture...kind of okay. He needed a little restraint to not run me over on the way to the round pen. He stood great while I brushed him out. Besides nipping a few times when I ran over the ticklish spots, he stood like a statue without any restraint. When I started to sack him out, he thought we were playing. Buck. Kick. Trying to run me down. That ended that course of action on my part. Plan B: I pulled the lead rope off and started to just push him around the round pen. He is definitely not the same little guy that we worked with last fall. There is a little bit of spit and vinegar there now. So, we worked on respecting the lunge whip. We didn't run around too hard but we did end on a great note. He jogged two laps both directions, nice and soft without any misbehavior. Once his nose was flaring a little bit, he stood much better to get sacked out with the lead rope while he was gathering his air. He walked back to the pasture worse. A little antsy to get back with his girls and the second the lead rope was off he went right over and bit at Peaches. Boys. Whatcha going to do? But all in all, for being two and the first day out he did really well. I have to remind myself to not expect too much out of him too fast and that he is just a baby.

I also had a little daylight left to work the pups. Zip was first. Boy, that kid is fast. He almost beat out the Frisbee on just about every throw. We are working on sitting down before the next throw. Zip had a moment of disagreement but after a firm correction, the respect was a little more visible. That is our biggest issue right now: respect. Hopefully, more consistent work will result in a little more balance relationship. He actually did really well and after about 20 throws he was tuckered out. Ruger was ready to go. He was so good! We worked on sitting and STAYING sitting for the Frisbee. He is such a cheater. He loves to get a head start on the throw. Then we threw some from the down position. I also made him come right to me and sit down once he had the Frisbee in tow. Sometimes I feel like I am too hard on him. Ruger can be kind of a dead head so he needs the reminders of what is expected. I don't feel as bad after giving him the praises he deserves after a very successful play time. Both of these boys are really going to benefit from the agility equipment once we get it all built. I think they are going to have a blast playing on it. Poor Bailey. There was no Frisbee for her. Her hip is really starting to put a damper on her range of motion and I am really starting to get worried about her. She really guards that leg and sometimes I think she is in more pain then she lets on. She is one tough little girl. She did get to help with chores. That made her happy so I was happy.

Yesterday was a great day. Tonight, everyone gets to have a break. Makenzie gets her FIRST real haircut. So, we get to visit with Great-Grandma and Grandpa for a while and then off to get my hair chopped off and Kenzie's first time in the chair. So, that puts us to Wednesday for another good workout. Thursday, the farrier comes and then we are off to see baby lambs at a friends. Friday, another evening for a good workout...but NO, it has to snow and be cold and nasty. Saturday and Sunday are supposed to be nice so hopefully, (fingers crossed, knocked on wood) everything cooperates and we have a little time to work everyone around all of our other plans.

So, we shall see. It is all in the weather's hands now. There are my plans. Are you going to let me keep them or do I have to curse you from behind the windows of my kitchen. I guess only time and the weather will tell...